I’m Here to Write

Letting go, transformation, and embracing a life of adventure

Here . . . as in Substack and the DEEPER side of things. It’s been seven months since my last post in June 2024 — seven months of silence. And if you’re reading this, I’m so glad you’re still interest in what I have to say — more so, I feel grateful.

Which leads me to a question that’s been on my mind. Which is: Why do I write? Over the past seven months, I’ve had no shortage of ideas to write about, but little to no time and no extra gas in the tank for the writing and editing process.

And yet, I still think about writing and what I’ve created with the DEEPER side of things, in the form of a collection of posts that speak to an inner dialogue about the evolution of consciousness and human culture.

My focus in the last year has been mostly about rebuilding my life since the disintegration of my marriage and business in the fall of 2023. I’ve focused intensely on making money, paying down debt, and building a stronger financial future for myself. In one sense, a very mundane component of the process of life.

In another, it’s been nothing short of transformational. I’ve been emerging from a kind of gestation, metabolizing the old into something new — a phoenix rising from the ashes.

Creation comes from change, which so often means letting go of one thing so another can emerge. The hard part of it comes from the fear of letting go. A life grown too comfortable carries an investment in the status quo motivated by an irrational fear that without things continuing as they are happiness will not be possible in the future.

And yet miracles only occur in the space of letting go.

I truly thought my marriage was for the long haul, so much so that I had wrapped my identity around it. When I finally let go, I felt relief and emergence.

So too, with my business. To this day, I still feel pangs of disappointment because I believed then, as I do now, that we offered an incredibly valuable service. But I’ve come to understand that the realm of business and commerce is fundamentally rooted in the practical. This means intangible services barely register in the collective mindset of how business is done. Only a few visionaries can peer into the abyss of the intangible and perceive a practical benefit. Thus, my business model was untenable.

In both cases, letting go and moving on has led me to new opportunities for learning and growth: a new relationship, a new business partnership, an evolving job with the New Mexico Small Business Development Center, a new living space, a new lifestyle, and so many opportunities for continued growth and evolution.

But enough of me and what I’ve been up to. What I really want to say is that one of the most profound lessons I take from the last year has been a growing ability to constantly feel into the intention that underlies my words and actions. As mentioned, the question I keep asking myself is why I write.

Many times, the answer is clear. Sometimes not so clear. In either case, the questioning is healthy.

In my new business partnership, I’ve been confronted with one of my significant shortcomings as a businessperson, which is my reluctance to fire people. On the one hand, it feels cold and harsh. On the other hand, at times, it is necessary. This means the longer I delay, the greater the harm to the business. I’ve seen this directly in recent months. Unfortunately, my business partner suffers from the same reluctance. So, we struggle with this together.

The path through the confusion is to question my intention. Am I firing this person because I no longer like them, or to get back at them, or to make a point? Or am I firing them for the health of the business, or to maintain respectful boundaries with the team? Is my reluctance to fire them because I don’t want to harm someone? But if retaining a person who has become divisive is hurting the business as a whole, then what is the decision to be made? Questioning my intention is the path to clarity.

In my new relationship, I question my intention a lot. Is it about fear of being alone? Is it about edification of the ego? Is it about helping someone? Or is it about companionship and authentic love? Is it about the next stage of my learning and growth? And a huge one for me: Is it about exploring a deeper expression of authenticity?

It may be a little of all the above, while knowing with clarity that my soul feels strongly drawn to her and our evolving relationship. Through the questioning, I move through my life with greater clarity and ease.

Why do I write?

I’ve asked this question before in a previous post. I’ve explored it deeply. And the answer seems clear to me, but this long hiatus has given me cause for re-examination. Only recently has my stress level diminished from the fury of the past year. And in this space of lessened stress, my thoughts return to the writing process, and something within me misses it.

Given all the changes with the online writing platforms and my understanding of how writers build large followings and eventually make a living from their writing, I no longer hold any design or intention for this to be the primary focus of my life. I see it now more as an expression, an outlet for sharing what I’ve learned along the way of a life lived as an unfolding adventure.

One of my favorite quotes is from Helen Keller: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” This quote speaks to my yearning, to what I’ve always wanted — adventure over safety, learning over stagnation, love over withholding, and an insatiable desire for self-discovery.

If the DEEPER side of things is anything, it is this one thing: a diary of sorts, of an unfolding life lived as an adventure for ever-deeper understanding, and a love for you and the hope that maybe a few of these words will settle deeply within your soul.

So, here’s to the adventure of life.