Success Is Measured by the Emotional Experience We Seek
We get to choose the experience, and by choosing we define our version of success
We typically perceive “success” as financial. And while financial success clearly delivers an emotional experience, it’s more about avoiding the emotion of fear associated with not having enough money, or the egoic rush of status that comes with financial success. But if we wish to define success in a more personal way we have only to ask ourselves what kind of emotional experience we seek.
Relationships? They bring belonging, companionship, warmth, love, nurturing. And they can be egoic, in the sense of the stereotypical trophy wife or husband, or the status associate with being married.
Children? They also bring belonging as well as meaning and purpose. Or they can offer a certain kind of status.
Career? To make a living while doing what feels enjoyable and meaningful. Or status.
Sports? Could be pure fun or the emotional high that comes from winning or improving our personal best. Or . . .
Academic? Curiosity, expansion, even adventure. And definitely status.
It’s always a choice as to what we seek.
The famous line from the Graduate, “Just one word, Plastics!” is emblematic of a time when success was narrowly defined by how much money we make. In the Graduate, and in the era in which it was written, it didn’t matter whether the young college graduate was actually interested in plastics, only that it was a booming industry at the time.
Going along with the crowd by defining success in purely financial terms means we never get to define what success means to us. Which means that when we achieve it, we may find the experience lacking.
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