Infinite Depth
Staring into the vastness scared the holy crap out of me and left me forever changed
I had a life changing experience some years ago in a Native American ceremony. It’s difficult to describe precisely, but the simple explanation is that it was a vision. I saw myself standing at the edge of a precipice. One so vast and deep that its dimensions were incomprehensible. The feeling I had was an intensity of fear so great that all I could think was, “OH MY GOD!”
And yet I was transfixed on the image of the deep infinite blackness of depth that was beyond anything I had ever experienced or felt. I was captured in the moment, held in place to feel the intense emotion of fear that came with the perception of infinite depth.
The following day I had a long drive home alone to contemplate the vision and what it meant. In fact, I would say I’ve been processing this vision ever since and it’s been more than twelve years hence.
Pretty soon after the ceremony I understood that I was being shown a glimpse of how deep things go. How deep what goes? Literally everything. How deep spirituality goes, wisdom, understanding, space, time, eternity, infinity. How can one put words to such things, except to say that the Universe in which we reside is so vast, not just in physical dimension but in understanding, that it is infinitely beyond our ability to comprehend.
Why Do We Fear the Depth?
But why the fear? Why did catching a glimpse into the vastness scare the holy crap out of me? Stated simply, there is only so much we can comprehend within our third-dimensional paradigm — that pressing ourselves beyond our paradigm-related comprehension will literally push us beyond dimensional understanding.
Okay, I know . . . this is really deep stuff. Let me back off for a minute and bring it down to terrafirma. Computers are limited by how many gigabytes and terabytes of storage they have and can only process data according to their processor speed. If we want to download a massive database that exceeds a computer’s storage capacity, we need to either find a different computer or upgrade the one we have.
What is our human storage capacity? How much wisdom and understanding can we comprehend? We’re not a computer with silicon chips. Or are we? In fact, we are (in a sense). We do have a storage capacity, but it’s based on energy frequency.
“You're like the ocean. Pretty enough on the surface, but dive down into your depths, you’ll find beauty most people never see. Lucky me. I fell in, headfirst.” — Ellen Hopkins
It’s been said that being in the presence of enlightened beings affects us — that we can have spiritual awakenings merely from being in proximity to them. Such beings, or avatars as some would call them, exude peacefulness and love. It’s not just in their words and actions but we can literally feel it coming off them.
This is the energy frequency of enlightenment, the elevated level that enables such beings to capture and hold levels of understanding and wisdom that is far beyond the average Joe. Another way of framing it is to call it consciousness. An enlightened being has a highly elevated level of consciousness, which enables them to capture and hold higher level wisdom.
The Experience Itself Was the Message
In that moment in time, as I was frozen in place at the edge of infinite vastness, the fear I felt arose from being shown something far beyond my level of consciousness at the time. It was like trying to cram too much data into a computer without the storage capacity to accommodate it. The experience itself was the message, not all of what was contained within the vastness, but the understanding of how vast vastness is.
"You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean in a drop." — Rumi
I can say now that I feel it viscerally. I’ve been to the precipice and returned with the capacity to envision how deep infinity is — how much more there is beyond my immediate perception. It’s beyond words, beyond comprehension. I can’t explain it precisely, but I feel it every day of my life. It’s the ocean in a drop, the oak tree in the acorn. It’s in the beauty that is all around us all the time.
I was 45 when I received that vision, but I’ve been a deep thinker all my life. I can remember as early as age seven, looking at the world around me and wondering why everything was so upside down. Environmentalism was baked into my DNA. Nixon was president and the Vietnam war was raging. Daily death tolls reported on the news and “I’m not a crook” reverberated through the airwaves. I thought about all these things and more, and wondered why.
Socially it’s been problematic. Mostly when people get together, they want to pop a bottle of wine and have lighthearted conversation. My redirection toward deeper things is not always welcomed or appreciated. But I understand it now. Having had the experience of standing at the precipice and feeling the intensity of fear I can understand how depth can make many people feel uncomfortable, how it pushes them to places they may not want to go or aren’t used to going.
And Yet . . .
Depth is where we find salvation. It’s how we find solutions to complex problems and the perennial issues humankind has faced for millennia. Closer to home, it’s how we become peaceful inside, increase our capacity to love ourselves and others, find meaningful career directions, market ourselves with more integrity, become better leaders, partners, parents, siblings, adult children, buy more consciously, live more harmoniously, vote more intelligently.
“It’s not length of life, but depth of life.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yes, it’s uncomfortable — sometimes by a large measure, but it draws us toward lives of deeper meaning while solving the seemingly insolvable perils of humankind.
So, this is just a little publication about life’s greatest challenges and infinite depth for your afternoon tea party conversation.
No, but really . . .
This can also be fun, exciting, and deeply invigorating. I hope you’ll join in, not just by reading, but by commenting and sharing your own deep thoughts and life experiences. Let’s find our tribe here — fellow travelers as some would say. A tribe of fellow deep thinkers and those willing to journey to the core. The core of what? Everything!
I write about spirituality, meditation, personal development, current events and even entertainment, and last but not least: business, leadership, and marketing. In everything, it’s about exploring the deeper side.
Well said. I agree. Our human brains are limited. And yet connecting deeply with others and pondering the Infinite is what bonds us to life, ourselves and others.