I think I’ve started and not finished at least five posts before completing this one. The point is not so much about finishing what I’ve started, but about not judging the outcome regardless of whether I finish. Self-judgement prevents us from moving effortlessly from one endeavor to another with a willingness to discover new opportunities and directions.
Seth Godin has written a lot about sunk costs — that in business there is a tendency to keep pumping money and resources into projects that are either not profiting or not producing a beneficial outcome. The feeling is that we’ve invested so much that we can’t give up on it. Seth calls it “sunk costs,” meaning they’re unlikely ever to be recouped.
The alternative is to let go.
Letting go means letting go of the need to recoup or make it successful when all the signs indicate it won’t succeed no matter what we do. It also means letting go of our egoic need for everything we do to turn to gold. We all make mistakes, even (and especially) many billionaire types have tried and failed many times before making it big. It’s been said that we only have to succeed one time. Translation: fail, fail, fail, and then fail again before succeeding.
The problem with failure is that it bruises the ego and diminishes self-esteem. I once worked at a large company managing several large projects in a culture in which failure was not acceptable by certain leaders. This blended well with my penchant for perfectionism, or rather created a perfect storm for self-judgement and rigidity. It was a nearly impossible environment for creativity and innovation to flourish.
More recently, Maria and I have called it quits after 14 years of marriage. We split because we both realized that we have different visions for our lives and that our souls were yearning for a different kind of life. It’s been three weeks since Maria left for Florida, I left for Albuquerque, and we both began exploring a new kind of life.
But it wasn’t because we weren’t good together, or that we don’t love each other, or that we’re incompatible, but rather that we recognized that for our souls to continue to evolve we needed to make this change. Thus, the comfort of our companionship was a sunk cost — that we had gone as far as we could in the present context, and it was time for a change.
Since separating we talk all the time, text, email, and video. We’re continuing to process things with each other. Which has been one of the most meaningful aspects of our relationship all along. Maria mentioned just yesterday that she feels our conversations are grounding for her, and I feel the same. So, we haven’t actually ended our relationship, just changed it. But we couldn’t have gotten to this place if we weren’t willing to change the nature of our relationship. How it will evolve in the future we can’t say at this time, but there is openness and freedom to explore together and separately.
At the same time we’ve also decided to wind down our business, 4 Directions Branding. It’s been heartbreaking to consider our brand work a sunk cost because I truly believe we’ve created an amazing service that can help small businesses grow and flourish. But the problem has always been that only a tiny number of people understand what we do such that they would want to hire us. It’s so intangible that it’s hard for people to relate to.
Case in point, my friend David Smith and I are launching a small side project, beginning with the brand. Knowing David as I do, knowing that he’s lived a spiritual life, that he meditates daily, and has an open heart that I wouldn’t need to guide him through a lengthy education in brand design. Yesterday we spent less than an hour on video and accomplished what would normally take eight to ten hours of slogging through it with most clients.
The difference is that he’s spent an entire life developing the kind of muscle necessary to feel deeply into a project or business, and I’ve been seeking to bring that kind of depth to the world of business that is simply not ready for it.
So, it’s a sunk cost, and by remaining open to what new adventures may unfold in the space of letting go of that which is clearly not going to work no matter what I do or how hard I work at it, I can entertain any number of new adventures.
Maria and I are not a sunk cost, but the nature of our relationship had become one, and through letting go we’re able to discover a new way forward.
Living my life the same way is a sunk cost if it prevents my further growth and development. Letting go opens the door to new adventures.
As the great Hellen Keller once wrote, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
I’ve been practicing letting go. It’s not easy or necessarily comfortable. It’s like pushing off from the bank of a river into an unknown current. Or driving across the country without a map or GPS. Or entering into a new relationship. Or starting a new job. Or launching a new creative project.
It’s all unknown. Which makes it courageous and adventurous.
Holding on to sunk costs keeps us stuck in place.
Breathe deeply. Notice the egoic desire to hang on. Notice the ego identifying with your life in the way that it is . . . and let go to the possibilities.
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