Cognitive Dissonance and Embracing Discomfort
Holding opposing views at the same time can cause emotional distress, unless we embrace growth, discomfort, and seek a deeper understanding of the world in which we live
We know what to do. We always have. There are gobs of books, articles, blogs, TED talks imploring us to do this or that. Why? Because their suggested solutions will lead us down a better road, things will improve, we will feel happier, society will be more peaceful, we will be healthier and more prosperous.
Because we seek improvement. We seek a better way, a better life, better jobs, careers, relationships, and the like.
And yet an increasing number of people are perceiving that we (as in society at large) are headed for catastrophe. A calamity of Biblical proportions. Record droughts and heatwaves, Pakistan under water, global warming, ecosystem collapse, devastation of topsoil, economic decline, political instability, and on and on.
I’ve been writing about solutions in my own way, that we can turn the tide through the evolution of human consciousness. It’s the one thing that seems to be missing from 99% of the conversations about what to do to solve our collective problems. But it’s much easier to focus on tactics and strategies than the person staring back at us in the mirror.
Growth only comes from building pressure. When we’re sitting on a tropical beach sipping a delicious fruit drink, listening to the soft sound of waves lapping against the shore we’re not thinking about emotional and spiritual growth. We don’t think of growth when we’ve just started a new relationship and we’re so excited and enthralled by it. Or when we just received a huge raise or promotion. Or when our son or daughter just achieved a major milestone.
Growth comes when we can no longer tolerate our present level of stasis. Like the lobster that’s outgrown its exoskeleton and needs to shed it to grow a new and larger one. Shedding its shell is dangerous and scary. The lobster finds a rock to hide under, lets go of its shell and waits for a new one to grow. It’s an incredibly vulnerable time for the lobster, as it would make for a tasty meal for many predators of the sea. But it does this only because it’s outgrown its prior shell, and as a result of the pressure it feels within its shell, it’s forced to undergo a life-threatening change.
Couples typically only enter couples therapy when they’re having problems. Individuals typically only enter twelve-step recovery when it becomes evident that their addiction is making a mess of their lives. People typically only leave toxic relationships when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving. And society? We become more willing to affect huge structural changes when the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing. And when we resist making the changes that will heal society (again referring to “we” as a collective) the pain will only increase until we become ready and willing. Thus, the impending calamities.
Presently, we face huge (seemingly insurmountable) challenges as a species. For the first time we’re having serious public conversations about the potential for human extinction. This itself is significant. Because before we can move to the place where we feel the pain of not changing and become willing to change, we must first become aware of the true nature and scale of the problem.
The scale is global. The scope is such that we have created a huge engine that resists change at all costs. But the pain of not changing will only grow until we reach a tipping point. The point at which a critical mass of humanity has reached a place where they are willing to change, to shed our collective exoskeleton, become highly vulnerable, and grow. The greater our resistance to change, the greater the pain of not changing before we reach the tipping point.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance is when we hold conflicting beliefs that causes emotional distress, and we must therefore jettison one of the beliefs so we can feel better. This one, small, not so well-known psychological concept is the crux of it all. We feel discomfort, and we decide that letting go of one of the beliefs will make us feel better. So, we let go of the belief that causes greater discomfort. And as we let go of the more discomforting belief, we can simply pretend that things are not how they seem and continue living our lives as we always have.
This is why we resist change. This is why we argue and fight over which path is better, or which political system, or which economic theory, or whether global warming is caused by human activity, or what true democracy looks like, or that one religion is better than another, or should we grow food with or without chemicals, or should we help the poor or leave them to their own devices.
We continue to argue because of cognitive dissonance. Because whichever belief we choose to jettison determines which side of the argument we lean toward.
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” F. Scott Fitzgerald
We can believe that wealthy people are the true drivers of economic growth and prosperity because they create jobs. Or we can believe that the poor and middle class are the true drivers of economic growth because putting more resources in their hands drives consumption, which creates more jobs. If I’m wealthy, or I desire wealth, or I idolize wealthy people I am more likely to jettison the belief about helping lift people out of poverty. But if I’m poor or middle class I am more likely to jettison the belief that wealthy people make everything happen. Which belief we let go of determines whether we vote Democratic or Republican. And neither belief on its own leads us to a better understanding of what kind of economic system will ultimately help humanity evolve.
What is the answer to the dilemma of cognitive dissonance? It’s simple. We grow. We focus on uplifting our consciousness.
And why do I keep hammering on this point? Because the very act of growth means we become more willing to tolerate and even embrace discomfort. Like the lobster embracing the vulnerability of living without its exoskeleton for a period of time while it grows a new one. Like the couple entering couples therapy or the alcoholic entering twelve-step or the workaholic quitting a stable job and spending several months at a meditation retreat or the person with a debilitating health condition making radical changes in their diet.
Growth and Consciousness
Growth and consciousness are interrelated. As we grow, our consciousness rises. As we set an intention to elevate our consciousness, we continue to grow. As we grow, we become more willing to embrace discomfort. And as we embrace discomfort we grow.
“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” — Krishnamurti
And as we embrace discomfort, our beliefs will change. Cognitive Dissonance will lose its effect on us. We will become more able to simultaneously hold conflicting beliefs so that we can examine them more carefully, thoughtfully, and objectively. Sometimes, many times, we may notice that it is entirely possible to hold two conflicting beliefs in parallel without the need to jettison one or the other.
There are wealthy people who hold a commitment to continuously generate jobs and they use their financial resources to that end. And there are also a wealthy people who park their money in protected offshore accounts and complex tax shelters. It is also true that when poor people receive more resources, they purchase useful things such that those resources go immediately back into the economy. And it is also true that there are poor people who will plunge newfound financial resources into drugs and gambling and such.
It is true that human activity has had a profound effect on the environment. It is also true that there are cycles of geologic and climate change that has nothing to do with human activity. It is true that free market economics has the potential to drive innovation and growth. And it is also true that there are those who will always game the system to their advantage and stifle innovation and growth.
We can go on with this, but you get the idea. Both sides contain truth. Holding opposing views at the same time can cause emotional distress — unless we are growth oriented — unless we embrace discomfort and seek a deeper understanding of the world in which we live.
If you’ve enjoyed this post please like, share, and subscribe. The way the DEEPER side of things reaches a wider audience is through word of mouth. Thank you for your support.
I greatly appreciate the metaphor of shedding our collective exoskeleton and embracing vulnerability and discomfort.